Irreverent Sleepy Mom Poem

(Because I was too tired to come up with a better title.)


The alarm rings out, the sun shines in
I haven’t slept a wink
I stumble to the kitchen
Toward the dishes in the sink

I rinse my favorite mug, and then
The coffee I must make
To keep me from totally losing my sh*t
When my precious babies wake

You see, I haven’t slept in years
I traded rest for kids
You can see it by the lines on my face
And in my red-rimmed lids

Have children, They said
It’s fun! They said
Babies are the prize
Well, let me tell you,
Without further ado,
Those mother*ckers lied

Don’t get me wrong! I love my spawn!
So innocent and sweet
A brighter/cuter/funnier child
Than mine you will not meet

But when you’ve been awake all night
A baby at the boob
Another needing 40 drinks
It sorta wears off, the new

I should have bought that red sports car
I could be living at the beach
I could be wearing Louboutins
Rather than sweatpants stained with bleach

It’s not too late! My inner voice yells
So clear within my head
If you go now, before they stir
You’ll be home free, it says

Coffee in hand, I creep down the hall
Past that part that squeaks
And open the door with breath held tight
Because I will frickin’ die if it creaks

There they are, those little brats
All cozy in their beds
Probably scheming how to drive me insane
In those adorable little heads

But I watch their chests rise and fall
Keeping perfect time
And I know that deep within my heart
Those little sh*ts are mine.

Remembering the day they each were born
brings a tear to my weary eye
And I slowly close the bedroom door
Stifling a sigh

I turn to go, my soul refreshed
I’ve lost that running itch
Then rings out so shrilly “Mom!”
Son. Of. A. B*tch.

Anna is a freelance writer and editor, and somewhat fatigued mother of an eleven year old and a STILL BREASTFEEDING  two year old. Check out the book she helped to see the light of day, available on Amazon April 27.


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